Every parent wants to protect their child from hardship. However, the greatest gift you can give them isn’t a life without challenges, but the ability to handle those challenges with strength and confidence. Building resilience is a fundamental life skill that prepares kids to manage setbacks, adapt to change, and bounce back from adversity.
This guide, based on core principles of child development and emotional health, provides eight key strategies for raising a resilient child.
1. Focus on Problem-Solving, Not Fixing
It’s natural to want to fix your child’s problems for them. However, resilience is built when they learn to navigate difficulties on their own. Instead of providing all the answers, work through the problem together. Ask guiding questions like, “What do you think is the best way to handle this?” or “What are some of your options?” This teaches them concrete skills and empowers them to find their own solutions.
2. Let Them Make Mistakes (and learn from them)
A key part of building resilience is learning that failure is not the end. When you avoid eliminating all risk or providing every answer, you give your child space to learn from their mistakes. Let them forget their homework or lose a game. As long as they are safe, stepping back allows them to feel the natural consequences of their actions, which is one of the most powerful learning experiences.
3. Help Them Manage Their Emotions
Resilient children know how to identify and process their feelings. Instead of dismissing their sadness or frustration, help them put a name to their emotions. You can say, “It looks like you’re feeling really angry right now. Let’s take a moment to breathe.” By helping them manage their feelings in a healthy way, you give them the emotional tools they need to face difficult situations calmly.
4. Avoid Catastrophic Language
The way you talk about life’s challenges has a powerful impact on your child. Avoid talking in catastrophic terms or describing every setback as a disaster. Instead, frame problems as manageable and temporary. For example, instead of saying, “This is a terrible situation,” you can say, “This is a tough problem, but we’ll figure it out together.” This teaches them to approach adversity with a sense of calm and control.
5. Model Resiliency
Your child learns from you. When you face your own challenges with courage and a positive attitude, you are modeling resiliency. Let your children see you tackle a difficult problem at work, handle a disappointment gracefully, and bounce back from setbacks. By modeling resiliency, you show them that it’s possible to manage emotions and navigate life’s ups and downs with strength.
When to Seek Professional Help
While these strategies are a great foundation, sometimes a child’s struggles are more than a parent can manage on their own. Consider seeking counseling if:
- Your child’s fear of failure or mistakes is causing significant anxiety.
- They are unable to manage their emotions and frequently have angry outbursts.
- Their lack of resiliency is affecting their school performance or friendships.
A professional counselor can provide your child with a safe space to process their feelings and develop the tools they need to build lasting resilience.
You can learn more about how we can help on our Teen Counseling page.
